Rings and Beads Change - The $25,000 Forums of Loathing

The following is brought to you by the letter "E" and by the number "7".

Jeez I'm starting to think of just making a weekly newsletter or something here. Nah......Hi folks, happy belated 4th of July, hope you had a swell weekend. As you can tell, not particularly a whole lot going on with the game. I feel like a broken record saying that. An unneutered Golden Retriever has seen more action than KoL, especially when it comes to the past couple of months. We seem to be in another content drought with no signs of relief in sight. Instead, we have microscopic mediocre updates like the change with clay beads & rings to tide us over. Yes apparently the fodder to get semi decent stuff in the level 12 quest is now no longer marked as quest items. As joyous and exciting as this may be to some, I for one was sorta happy about it myself until I realized that you can't trade them or rid them from your inventory. So they're still like quest items only that you'll just end up with asstons of them piling up in your inventory because people can never remember to trade them in. What, no greasemonkey script to scream at you? "HEY, TRADE YOUR CRAP IN AT THE ISLAND BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!1!" This change also begs the question of, why the hell were these quest items in the first place. I'm guessing Jick and his team of fail sat around probably saying "Y'know, to ensure no more fast runs with one dayers happening every day we have this overlelaborate Level 11 quest, a grindy 12 quest, and soon we'll redo the pirates to make them a real hassle for what it's worth.....but just to make sure as insurance to oppress the speed game, let's make these currency objects in the L12 area quest items."

With one of the yes-men chiming in with "Sounds great! let's test it!"

Jick: "You idiot, we don't test stuff around here. That would make us look like we were organized and had some kind of structure around here. Hey Phoenix, getme a beer wouldya you dingbat you"

Apparently Jick's Archie Bunker now. Anyway, beads and rings are no longer quest items let's have a parade about it. Wooooo. Moving on

I was browsing the forums to see if I could find any type of news/noteworthy stuff of mentioning but instead that's too much to ask from the several thousand forumgoers. On the first page alone there's just enough crap for one's head or septic tank to explode. However this time around, the crap on forums was different. It's like it had some several types and variations of crap and that I had to rise above said crap. Quick! Someone give me 60 seconds.

*DING*

*DING*

*DING*

*DING*

*DING*

*DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING*
*FLASH THE $25,000 GRAPHIC*

See, I would've been $25,000 richer had this actually been a game, though I might've gotten buzzed for that Skullhead quote for being too descriptive. Anywho, this was all on the first page! And yet despite all that mess, yes, there was actually something decent on the forums. Granted it should've fallen under the Make-A-KoL category up top, but unlike those ideas this one's actually decent. Some dude or chick by the name of Tulisin suggested that when you're ascending, your body gets tossed to side like a serviced prostitute. With the bodies stacking up like firewood, the NS would possess them and you could be able to fight them. The problem with this is, how is this different from a zombie and better yet, how's this different from the zombies in the cemetary excluding them being mispelled. I mean, how do we know they're not prior adventurer's post ascended bodies? Not only that it kinda sorta seems like the Grey Plague all over again as well. Now that I've gone through it outloud, it kinda doesn't seem that good of an idea in retrospect. The only thing that's salvagable from this would be the fact of a high level content area. I'm not counting that abortion of a cess pool called the Sea. I would like an honest high level area and hey, I'm in the 40's I could use some more exp at my level that isn't piss poor for a change. Alas, that would require them to take a good idea and not shit on it for a change. (Forum Thread)

That's it's for me today. Hopefully when I get some time, I can update the top stuff more often than one eon per.....eon. I'll hold over the poll til next week, milk some more votes out of it. Again, to vote just travel down the page. Also you can always see what I'm up to by checking out my twitter which I'm subconsciously sadistically addicted to apparently. And uh, until next time I'm xSmootx saying, so long!

July's IotM

Here it is, 2009's Item of the Month for July:

Alright so a lot of people have been asking me what I think about this month's item. My initial reaction was posted on twitter which was:

And then later when I saw more detail on it:

As a crossbow owner, I felt robbed by seeing this. Then again with the way they caved in and redid the Doppelshifter back in April, it doesn't really shock me as much more as it is a slap in the face. Yet again, we have another scenario of "Hey, let's give the new people a second chance". Good news for them, bad news for veterans of the game. With that said, if you missed out on this the first time around with the BRC here's your opportunity to redeem yourself kinda. What it lacks as a weapon, makes up for in other areas. The spell damage is great as well as the regen to it. The adding of buff duration to active buffs should be on a percentage because when you're running a crapton of buffs, +3 turns to something like 8000 turns polka of plenty is jack shit. The other part is how this thing supposedly buffs you with buffs from the bag, but after reading from the wiki on how to get them it seems a lot more hassle than what it's worth. I don't see why you can't just reach in and pull out a buff yourself than to have to something as lame as a "charge" system instead. It's another obstacle to prolong farming it seems like.

When you get right down to it, yes it's worth the Mr. A. If you're more concern with real combat damage, maybe sticking with the crossbow is for you. If you like dumb bullshit to where you have to do a million things in combat to get the most out of your farming methods, this seems geared for you. I personally like it cause of the regen and spell damage. Those two enchantments alone will make nice friends with the navel ring. I think if the BRC didn't exist and we were seeing this for the first time, I'd be raving and praising it all over the place like I did with the BRC. Seeing how it's a knockoff for the new players, I'm not that excited nor happy with it. So with that said, I would pick one up and hold onto one for investing, but I wouldn't exactly rush to sell off that spare crossbow (says the guy who's currently hocking his off).

I think I had something else planned for this entry but I can't quite remember what it was. In a few minutes, I have a new poll at the bottom of the page for you fine folks to vote on and criticize about.

Return of Tuesday Updates? - Next IotM - Poll Results

Better than the shittastic week this past week in entertainment, it's "I hope I can do more than one entry a week" with me, xSmootx

So last week we saw what was possibly the return of Tuesday Updates or something that just happened on a Tuesday. As stale as the game has gotten, something the return of TU would be great. However like many great things, the creative team steers away from it. So my bet it was just something that they had lined up and "oh look, it falls on a Tuesday" type of deal. Nonetheless, the update itself was crap to contain the already self-infested shit pile of content better known as the Sea so I wasn't expecting much to come out of this. The cleverness that was supposedly attributed to this was the fact that you could just cook the 3rd tier advance ingridient skill for myst classes with itself. Meaning that if you cooked the pressurized whatever sphere by itself and the tempura batter by itself, you'd get some kind of "Oh we're air in a container" which you can use to breathe underwater for 20 turns. A little late for this don't ya think? Maybe if this came out when the 3rd tier skills debuted, it would've been bettter Noitwouldn't. Another thing, I don't like the whole 3rd skill thing. I mean what's the point of reagents and dry noodles if you're just going to implement basically the same things only geared towards underwater. It seems like to me the whole point of the level 15 skills for myst classes is that you're all-knowing with potion crafting or noodle making and then the Sea comes along and is all "Your may be good but ours are better because we're underrrrwaterrrrrr *wavy arm motions*" Anyway, I'm losing sight here, the update isn't all that great nor is it that clever.

Speaking of lacking in cleverness, that brings us to July's IotM. And my oh my, we're about 6 hours until downtime in the game and there's no speculation thread as I'm currenly typing this. However I probably just jinxed it by saying it that. The only thing remotely close to a speculation thread is something how July's IotM should reference Michael Jackson in some fashion followed by a bunch of typical MJ jokes. If I'd venture a guess, I'd say it would have to be something that would be the next piece for the weak '09 gear if the Elvish Sunglasses are any indication of what has yet to come for this year's outfit. Then again could be the usual...:

Fam A + Fam B + Some typical shitty ability that's supposedly worth $10 = Familiar of the Month

...formula. We could see crap thrown against a wall with another familiar equip 2nd straight year in a row or another piece to the clan dungeon, though the latter of which I doubt will happen because Mr. A's haven't been below 5 mil in awhile. Could be the next tome where it falls flat on its face to oust the snowcones a la, like how the stickers did. So after thinking outloud to you here, my money's on either an equip or the next tome. They seem like the most likely vectors at this point in time to disappoint me for the month of July.

Let's check out the "Hey, I remembered this week" poll results:

COMMENTS:

Will said on Jun 28 2009, 05:08 PM:
Would any changes to this game actually please you, or at this point are you simply too enamored with the fame you get from complaining about anything to allow yourself to enjoy anything new?

JohnDoe244 said on Jun 26 2009, 10:40 AM:
@Anonamedude: Because the Hobopolis price tag was perfectly balanced, and the fact that the next dungeon was a quarter of the price was just a co-incidence. Now Hobopolis for 250k is a bargain. But it's not like you've gotta pay to play Spookyraven or adventure on the Peak. Balance isn't really an issue here.

Anonamedude said on Jun 23 2009, 12:31 AM:
So, you want as much content as Hobopolis for the pricetag of the Slime Tube? The poll as usual is all about you wanting to get something which is out-of-balance with regards to other things in the game.

Smoot's Input: First off, explain to me how if there was a "250k Hobopolis" clan dungeon how it would somehow throw the ascension game into turmoil when neither of Hobopolis nor the Slime Tube have provided practically anything ascension relevant. Second off to answer Will's question, yeah, how bout changes to the Pirate's Cove and the Level 11-12 quests to make them not shitty for starters, let alone ascension. Or how bout getting rid of consumable caps so I don't have to be stuck with 39 different flavors of ASSkins Robbins when I'm level 3 and need something eat. Yeah those would be nice changes for starters. Look, when Hobopolis hit the content for the most part was pretty decent. Has it flaws but hey, no one's perfect. The one thing that held it down was the price tag, you just don't get your money's worth. With the Slime Tube, the price tag was great but the content sucks. If we could have some kind of middle ground where there's Hobopolis type content (fuck that sewer BS) but had the cost of a Slime Tube, I for one would be happy. That doesn't seem that unreasonable.

That's it for me today. Again, slooooooooow news going on in the game and lack of radio show last night so no new ICYMI til thrusday-esq. I'll try to have something up later in the week so that you're not too deprived from me. Before I go, I'd like to give a shout out Gemelli. I believe I said he was like one of the newest cocksuckers to join the dev team or something to that extent. Recently I discovered that he keeps track of all the equips at the Well Tempered Anvil site and that disturbing fanfic was left off. With a little spading of my own, I was able to send him some information which by the way, the Disturbing Fanfic smashes into complete shit! How exciting is that!? Anyway, if he did see anything that I said when he joined the other devster alumni I may have been a little harsh in hindsight but then again....he's on the dev team, so he's not TOO bad.  . Anyway, I'm outta here. Be sure to check me out on Twitter (it's like this generation's second hand smoking) and I'll have a new poll up AFTER ROLLOVER tonight.

Me, Smoot, Mentioned During WAVY NEWS 10 Broadcast

On April 6th, 2009, I woke up a little early than I usually because of inclimate weather. When I turned on the TV to Hampton Roads #1 Newsleader to see what was going, I noticed Meterologist Jon Cash mentioning something about a Velocity Scope. Puzzled by what a velocity scope is and curious about storm damage, I went on to WAVY.com's online coverage of the severe weather and asked about the Velocity Scope myself. What exactly is a Velocity Scope? Take a look.

Big special thanks to Stephanie Cooke for providing me with the footage.

Antagonizer in-game, Educational informative question-asker outside of the game. :D

More Chat Commands - Poll Results - Wrap Up

More amazing than this choir...:

...Okay, I'll admit I probably can't top that dude who just kills it with the awesome beatboxing. Also, that's probably the best cover to that song I've ever heard. Anyway it's another entry done acapella by me, xSmootx.

It's been a really slow couple of weeks in terms of KoL. This is usually the time where they throw crap into the game aimlessly and then prepare to head off to do ComicCon as well as KoL Con. I'll try to get a couple ICYMI's cranked out which by the way, we're up to like the 6th or 7th person doing the transcribing work for the radio shows. They really should give someone a job at doing those I feel. So with that said, this entry may be a little shorter than the usual shindig.

Anywho, the latest thing that's going on in the game gives me another use to bring back this segment that's slightly NSFW known as :

Look at that, more fucking chat commands at our disposal. Y'know I heard PvP still needs work or a certain thing called the Nemesis Quest would be nice to have back. Instead we have more crap coming out of the CDM slave pipe. The latest batch of failure are, count 'em, 5 new commands which we really don't particularly need. The first couple don't seem all that bad and kinda make sense if you're a fan of useless chat commands. /Examine lets you see the item description of an item while /Whitelist switches you to a clan that you're whitelisted in. Again, sounds reasonable if you're into the useless commands field. The next ones however are just completely fucking stupid despite if you're a fan or not. /chamois lets you use one of the shamwows from the bucket in the Slime Tube and /chamoisgoagain which allows you to use a shamwow and jump into another adventure in the Slime Tube. Y'know most of these commands wouldn't be such waste of time and resources if the interface was perhaps a little better and that there were proper links to where or what you wanted to do. That latter of that, is especially true because the final new chat command is /logout which, wait this was on Final Jeopardy not too long ago.......that's right, logs you out of the game. Really? You can't just hit the link at the top that says logout? Is there some kind of recent epidemic of carpeltunnel that I'm unaware of? The first two you could argue in having, the shamwow ones could be avoided if there was, again, proper linking. /chamois kinda already has it. And of course /logout makes me believe that the whole chat command mechanic is targeted either towards users of the KoLbar or for really really lazy people who can't spend time to click on something in a point and click game. Alternatively now, /headdesk will now be a shortcut to /bullshit whenever more chat commands come out.

Here's this week's poll results:

COMMENTS:

JohnDoe244 said on Jun 06 2009, 10:19 AM:
Eh. 11 mill to open Hobopolis? No. 11.25 mill to open Hobopolis and the Slime Tube? Eh. Now I've not been to one of my whitelisted clans to check this out properly yet, but I'm going to need at least one more Dungeon to come out before I dig my own basement.

toe76 said on Jun 05 2009, 11:25 PM:
I like the idea of a super-blitzable dungeon that can be done multiple times a day, but this? Seriously, this is a weekend project at most. A hat that's almost exactly like an orange peel, other than that though, nothing of significance. Hopefully the next dungeon will be a middle of the road type dungeon, fast, but not crap.

Narc said on Jun 05 2009, 03:00 AM:
An utter and complete sack of urine. Reminds me of Nintendo. By which I mean they used a game mechanic a four year old could comprehend(ML) to force you to slug through a whole bunch of useless shit, designed to annoy you with Element X....er, I mean, Slime damage, just for mediocre rewards. There's nothing even here for spades. Which is pathetic. Maybe they should strap on some item drop and combat initiative drawbacks. And make it so we can't brea...wait a minute. Same shittastic work, different area.

PrettyCoolGuy said on Jun 03 2009, 04:24 PM:
I was alright with most of it, but when I saw that that you had to get ten of each slimy organ, I was filled with unbridled rage. Really, otherwise I wouldn't mind that it took them a while to get done and that it's pretty short. But that whole bit is simply ridiculous for such small passive bonuses.

Anonamedude said on Jun 01 2009, 05:56 PM:
Neat. Fun. Less complicated and involved than Hobopolis which is both good and bad. Was it worth waiting for? Only an anally retentive numbnuts would be thinking he was owed this, so I just found it an enjoyable new addition which makes the game slightly better than it was last week.

L said on Jun 01 2009, 03:49 PM:
I voted "Yeah, it's alright," and that's exactly how I feel. It's alright; not blowing my socks off, but it's alright. It's no Hobopolis, but I don't think anybody is presenting it as such. (It costs a fraction of the price to open it, for instance.) I'll have to hold off on my exact level of "impressed", since the mechanics behind things are still murky. It's basically within the parameters of what I would expect from a small clan dungeon. It's a good effort. Meets but probably doesn't exceed expectations.

Smoot's Comment: Given how they were presented with a good idea, a dungeon that has a 1000 monsters with a boss at the end, they yet again crapped it up. This time with the whole slime mechanic and lack of rewards. I agree with toe76 because I wouldn't mind a fast dungeon that has actual decent rewards at the end. The Slime Dungeon just has the motivation on loop because the only thing the rewards do is make you do more Slime runs that also have practically no use outside of the dungeon. (Maybe alternatives for basementing if you haven't tricked out your telescope yet or have the right gear). Also agree with Prettycoolguy with the skills, if you're going to have multi useable skills, make the fucking reward worth perming in the longrun. Narc's gotta great point too with the whole Element X deal, I gotta admit I wasn't too pleased that the dungeon was focused around something that's like bad spelling damage or shadow damage as in shit I can't protect myself with +elemental gear. What's the point of having elements if you're just going to create stuff outside of the element chart? Challenge? pfft, gimme a break.

Overall, it was a nice idea but yet again, poor execution. A new poll is currently in place, scroll to the bottom and try to vote on it

With that said, it's time for me to head off again. Been playing a lot of Gears of War multiplayer lately and I love annoying people with the chainsaw. Hopefully I can Bing my way to another game of some kind, already have another controller on the way. Anywho, I'm gonna go do...stuff, not sure when the next entry will be. Hopefully tonight's show will provide some actual entertainment worth noting. Until next time, have a good one folks.